Beelieve

11 of 52

11 of 52

my hands

hands that give the picture and not a picture of hands

10 of 52

10 of 52
vision
is not always sooc

9 of 52

week 9 of 52

me...high key

8 of 52

8 of 52

getting easier

snapped this quick on my birthday as the wind was trying to steal my dream balloons before i could make my birthday dream wishes.  it was an unexpected easy sp for the week!

7 of 52

done

and a long way to go until finished!  Yikes... a whole year of self portraits...what did I get myself into???

6 of 52

6 of 52

me
sooc
what you see is what you get
more than skin and bones
now give me a hug!

Dedicated to anyone who wants the comments to stop about a physical attribute...including the ones in their own mind.

5 of 52

 

5/52

move

... still not into the face self portraits and really did not want to write about anything all that serious this week. Leah @ Creative Every Day posted a theme challenge for August of "move". She always seems to hit home with her challenges. I can't sit still in the summer, i thrive in the heat. In fact these shots are from trying to do a non pose pose and a song got stuck in my head...you all now know i like to rock. I may not be at a cool concert but the songs i hear make me think i could be. I cracked up laughing at all the shots i dared to take once i saw them...but today i need to tell you all to live.

I am going crazy now with a bit of bed rest...everything is fine really...just a foot thing.  Hope to be up again in no time...doctors orders to take the next 2 days off and my vacation is next week.  Ahhhhhh no cage job until the very last day of August..I can handle that!

4 of 52

4/52

 strength

 some days are harder than others to take a self portrait and look at it, then some days i just see something i like

 i am a small person, only 5' 4" and have no clue what i weigh. i have old pictures in pretty dresses and used to gasp at my "man arms". why am i not soft like a women should be? i avoid showing so many pictures and try to chose ones i look softer in. well let me tell you, wonderful people in my life have said nice things about my strength...i met a man a few years back, an artist, a intuitive sort and before he even knew who i was he shook my hand and said...you are an artist aren't you? wow...i looked at him confused. he said to me i feel your strength...there is a lot to be said about the first hand shake...he continued to tell me things about what goes on inside will be apparent on the outside and he does not meet many who grip with the strength i have. that day i felt a lot better about my "man arms"

 ....but they are also my "mom arms" they have carried 6 years of life and can still scoop up a 45 pound child effortlessly...and that is what a women looks like!

 if you know me in person, you have also felt those arms wrap around you...strong arms are all the better to reach out and hug with...they are an extension of my heart!

3 of 52

 

 stability

 I have been going through all million of the shots I took in July of anything and everything...debated about a few different ones for week 3. It is still very tough sometimes to get in front of the camera...with a 20 sec timer you can start giggling about things that make you laugh.

 it has been a tough month for me, probably more emotional than most...but I don't hold onto it for long. I could go a year, maybe 2 without shedding a tear. Even to me it sounds cold as i type it...but so not true at all. I have a real hard time crying and a real hard time letting people see me cry or know about it...maybe that is why I have laughed harder this month than most. One of my biggest things is I believe to a degree in attracting what energy you give, I believe that if I stay with a sad thought....more will follow. I have to dump it out one way or another, and it is usually through art. Photography is such gratifying art when it comes to this. I would be painting for 1000 years the pictures I would need to paint for the thoughts that dance in my mind.

 ohhh you are so going to get this thrown at you again...but Picasso is my main man for quotes and

"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life"

2 of 52

accepting flaws...

the house: dirty...love lacked...neglected....ignored...flawed
my legs: dirty...love lacked....neglected....ignored...flawed

the house: strong...solid...good bones...has stood  through storms without flinching
my legs:  strong...solid...good bones...still standing  through storms without flinching

time for kicking @!
embracing, accepting,fixing,repairing because they both deserve it.

shadows mask what my legs have endured....years of standing 12 hour days in the cage...keeping me upright even when swollen to unrecognizable shape during pregnancy...intense workout when I knew no other way to throw out stress...mountain biking daily before we moved to the land of 70 mile an hour trucking roads...getting me out of bed for 2 am feedings...chasing my dreams even when I wanted to stay in bed...rocking out with friends...meeting...greeting...walking...kicking...dancing even when the music stopped...slowing the pace down to take a picture of the surroundings.

never once did they complain...tears fall every spring when I see girls with pretty sandals and then my ankles...they look beaten up...they are beaten up....by me...but never once did they complain.  they are strong...strong enough to jump in front of a camera and knock me to the ground in weakness of facing the truth.  the truth of how shallow it is to consider a part of one's self ugly and unacceptable.

i have a gene that makes me prone to cluster spider veins and they do look beaten up. My my aunt has this and my grandmother did as well. it is part of who i am. 

i met someone, an absolutely flawless plastic surgeon who said he could "fix me" and asked me why i waited so long.  he said i won't be perfect but i will like the results. we were both wrong...no...he won't fix me, that comes from me. he is not as flawless as i thought...because i WILL be perfect....perfectly acceptable to me.

this post is to me...to me self!